I have been living life lately as if I've been struck by a taser. Varying images of "who I am" have been stubbornly stuck in my head. Last weekend, after what I had mistakenly believed to have been a DELIGHTFUL one until reality hit me full-blown between the eyes and I was faced with dealing with teenage lies and deceptions.
And the next person who chortles "that's normal teen behavior!" gets a free trip to our local residential treatment center. That is after I'm done staring at you like you're an idiot for saying that to a woman who is the mother of 13 children and basically on her third "group" of kids... and currently living with SIX teens and a pre-teen that stands over 6' tall and shaves, effectively giving me SEVEN. Seriously, people, do you REALLY think that I missed the parameters of what makes for normal, and what does NOT?
While to God, a lie is a lie, we mere mortals like to separate lies into "benign", or "white lies" to those that are about their schoolwork to behaviors that are illegal and (depending of course on one's basic moral principles) immoral.
It's that last issue that is the most challenging in our world today. We have one extreme - muslims stoning a young woman because she is having a relationship with a man (whether there is sex involved or not) to the other, the prevalent TV culture of America that is being adopted en masse by our teens. I have concern and my heart is pained by the first... I have fear and trembling for the latter.
It was that very fear, coupled with the shock, anxiety and a really, really nasty tendency toward a hyperawareness (as my doctor called it) be able to "read" far between the lines. I am my own psychic network, a trait I more often hate than appreciate. I feel like I spend my life praying I am wrong, or dealing with the creepiness of being right. If I had a dollar for every time one of my teens accused me of judging or putting words into their mouths that turned out to be EXACTLY true and correct, I'd be able to buy a new car. I'm just really sick of being right.
There have been people I have had to tell my teens, "Nope, you don't need to be friends with them." Because one deep look into their eyes. A few moments in their "space", and I know too much. Have I been wrong? Only with those who have been struggling with who they are, especially when it's between being a moral person and being less so. Then I tend to give the benefit of a doubt... or perhaps more accurately the benefit of hope.
But when it comes to knowing whether a guy is gonna "love 'em and leave 'em"... oh, yeah, I can spot 'em. I can spot the "friend" who will use and manipulate. In no way do I look for the "perfect" person, they don't exist. It's just the dangerous ones. But does anyone WANT Mama's insight? I'll leave that unanswered, because it's way too obvious.
Do my teens need to figure it out for themselves, which is a so widely touted teen-rearing "value" these days. Somehow we are expected to help them with their homework (not doing it for them, just aiding them in understanding it); to feed and clothe and provide transportation and perhaps a way to get to college or pay for their wedding (or at least help). But we are to butt out of their teen relationships?
Not.
They are TEENS. They are not adults. They don't magically BECOME an adult just because they chronologically turn 18. Some people are adults at 17 (the vast minority)... some won't get there until they're 25. From 16 to 20 our children are in such a transition period, and they need PARENTS. I have no interest (and certainly not the energy) to be involved in every personal transaction that occurs in my children's lives. But the big ones? Like it or not (them OR me), they need some parenting.
Argh... it is so easy for people to "blah, blah, blah ya gotta let the kids.....".
Shut up.
Yes, you heard what I said. Shut UP. Would you all just go parent your own kids (you have to have 5 or more that have grown up "successfully" into jobs that are self-supporting, and are good spouses themselves, without having been arrested, getting pregnant before marriage, AND have survived some major trauma in their lives (e.g., the foster care system or a parents' serious and/or chronic illness).
If that's you, PLEASE, let's talk.
If not, I'm done hearing it, your energies are better spent praying for me... and my "poor" kids.
I say there is a major problem in our society today, and it's affecting my kids, especially my teens. I have presented BETTER ways, OTHER ways, ways that are God pleasing. I have prayed (never enough, however).
For now, I just lead a Stunned life. Reminding myself to keep my eyes on my Lord, knowing He will somehow get ALL of us through this if we want Him to.
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